Ah. I've been horrendous about updating this blog lately! March 19th was my last post?! Where has the time gone? This is going to be a long post--so grab a drink.
Alright, so we left off with me waiting two more days to find out the sex of the baby, though both Jason and I were
sure it is a boy. If you're family or friends reading this, you probably already know. We were right! We're welcoming a sweet baby boy. Now our days are filled with imagining what he will look like. Will he have blonde hair like me or dark hair like Jason? His brown eyes, or my green eyes? Will he be tall? Will he have olive skin? We can't wait to meet him and find out.
The anatomy scan was beautiful and exciting and truly moving. The very detailed ultrasound showed us everything from the baby's four heart chambers to his sweet little growing bones. Jason and I held hands, squeezing at particularly sweet moments, while the nurse quietly moved the scanner over my belly with one hand, and click-clicked with other, sometimes stopping to answer a question or to point something out. We agreed that seeing all of the little bones in his spine was so, so fascinating, rivaled only by his heart, which was beating a mile a minute (and mine, too!). It took us a few tries to get a good look at his face, as he spent the better portion of the scan with his arms crossed right over his face. Jason says this is a good indication that he will be an introvert like him. And when the doctor finally told us it was a boy, the peace that comes with knowing just filled us up so that we could begin dreaming about what our son will be like.
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| Top left, this is his sweet little face after several minutes of trying to get him to move his hands down, top right, is his profile, bottom left is his spine and ribs, and bottom right is how he spent much of the scan--arms crossed over his face. |
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Jason and I joined a Centering group. Or rather, I joined a Centering group and have been dragging my reclusive, introverted husband along. We meet every other week with five other couples a midwife, and a nurse and discuss the different phases of pregnancy. The word "Centering" sounds very hippy-dippy, and maybe it is a little, but based on our two classes, it has been a positive, fun experience. I'm coming around to the idea that I will be birthing this baby in another dozen weeks, and so talking about my fears and my plan has been quite awakening. Awakening in that I actually do know what I want. I thought I would be a floundering, panicking mess, but I've surprised myself. I know that I want a traditional, medicated birth--where the air conditioner is on full blast. I think hearing about what the other couples in our group want has been really interesting, too. It's funny to think that there are a thousand ways to do this and a thousand decisions we need to make. And it's interesting to see how the parental judgement begins. We go on instincts--what you know you can handle and, I have to believe, what we think is best for our children and our families. And already, there are eye rolls and scoffing. Not in my Centering group, I mean. Everyone there is lovely and polite and informative. But in my day to day--people asking too-personal questions, then scoffing at my too-personal answers. Everything from birthing, to breast feeding, to my current diet, and co-sleeping. I have a sense of humor, so I can laugh it off for now. But some days I feel like being pregnant is like a social experiment, where people try to out perform the last jerk with an unsolicited opinion.
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| Third Trimester! |
And now, here we are, in our third trimester. I have enjoyed every moment of this pregnancy. Even at its worst, unexpected bleeding, it has been such an honor and a privileged to carry this little guy. My belly is unmistakeable and people look at me sweetly all of the time. I feel wonderful--maybe the best I've ever felt in my life. My skin and hair feel clean and glowing, my full, round belly, though often in the way, makes me feel womanly and beautiful. I even catch Jason looking at me sometimes in a way he's never looked at me before. And then my out of whack hormones (or maybe, finally in-whack hormones?) get the better of me, and I just want to cry for being so happy.
Two weeks ago, I attended my ten year high school reunion. I reconnected with old friends and laughed and laughed at some embarrassing memories. I felt happy to be there and proud of my protruding belly to show off. On the way home, I reflected on how infertility had robbed me of so many joys, and how up until the very last moment of 2013 (we got that positive test on New Year's Eve), I just hadn't been myself. I felt depressed and a little ashamed and so embarrassed. I commented to my friends that I just wasn't in the Christmas spirit and had planned to lay low through the holiday--which, anyone who knows me knows warning bells of a mental collapse were going off--and some of them, understandably, were concerned. I recently read old journals and chat conversations with friends and my heart feels so heavy reflecting on that despair. I admitted aloud a few times that I felt I was going down a dark road. And I believe God knew that I couldn't handle going any further. I woke up, January 1, 2014 a new person, like I had shed a heavy layer of skin and reclaimed so much joy. The tension and anxiety in my marriage seemed to seep away, I felt rewarded and loved at my job, and even maintaining friendships seemed easier. This pregnancy, our son, healed me. As I made the very dark, very quite, hour and a half drive home from my reunion, recalling old friends talking about their babies and their pregnancies and how happy I was to hear it and be a part of it, I realized how good it felt to just be
normal. Right now, normal is me sitting here with a very awake baby kicking and elbowing his way around, reminding me how great God is and why they call it the miracle of life.
So what's on the list these days? This week, we will be buying some big baby staples, like the crib and some shelving for his already enormous library. We hope the baby's room will start looking more like the baby's room and less like the catchall room for all the things that never found homes during our recent move. God willing, I will have the whole house out of boxes by the end of the month and the baby's room ready by the beginning of August. Next week, I have the famous glucose test for gestational diabetes followed by another Rhogam shot (yay!). Next month, we are baby showering, a task my mom is having way too much fun with. I am secretly happy to not be a part of the party planning committee as I don't even have the energy to get up and put my shoes away. But my mom loves to run ideas by me and based on what I've heard, it sounds like a lot of fun. We hope to take a tour of the hospital sometime next month, too. I should probably schedule a maternity photo shoot at some point and I'm starting to get to the ugly swelling part of pregnancy, so sooner rather than later, I think. And I also need to start thinking about how to prepare these two dogs for a baby, I guess, too. The list doesn't seem too daunting, but with only two and a half months to go, the clock is definitely ticking.
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| Tammy, in need of a baby preparation class. |
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| Beverly, totally prepared. |
I promise to be better about updating.
With love,
Ashley
Her Stats:
Weeks Pregnant: 27
Baby size: Cauliflower head
Weeks to go: 13
Cravings: Blended mocha coffees, croissants, chocolate milk, watermelon, lemon, strawberries and bananas, blueberry muffins, steak
Food aversions: Eggs, still. Hard boiled eggs sound absolutely revolting
Feeling: Ankles and fingers are a little swollen, my back hurts, I'm constantly sweating, and we're definitely revisiting fatigue, but otherwise, wonderful
Missing most: Wearing my wedding rings
Loving most: Seeing my belly shift when he kicks or elbows me. Also, maternity shorts.
Most excited about: Meeting our sweet baby, seeing Jason hold him, putting the nursery together
Most worried about: Having a long labor, episiotomies, preterm labor, finding the perfect name
His Stats:
Patience level: Better than usual
Cravings: Cheddar cheese
Food aversions: Cauliflower, beets, and broccoli
Loving most: My Bo-Bashley
Missing most: Money.
Her worst symptom: None. She's an angel.
Feeling: Impatient.
Most excited about: Potential skills that the baby can develop. Specifically lawn mowing and trash take out.
Most worried about: Impending lack of sleep.
