But now, here I am on New Year's Eve. I put Ezra to bed two hours ago, made some cookie dough for my husband, and started another load of laundry. I'm currently sipping a Coke Zero, trying to warm my feet under a fat Chihuahua, and reflecting on what an amazing year it has been. Tonight marks one year since I sat on the edge of the bath tub, holding two pink lines in my shaky hands. Rejoicing. Forgetting to breathe. Finally. I cried, I held the test to my chest, I jumped up and down, and then I cried some more. I felt my pulse in my wrists and my ankles, and heard my heart beating in my ears. Finally. It feels like just last week. But a whole year? What a year. I have been the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. Incandescently happy, a la Mr. Darcy.
My pregnancy was wonderful. I grew fat and swollen, but felt the most beautiful I've ever felt in my life, even as I dripped chocolate ice cream on my bare belly. I loved every minute of being pregnant and feeling the little guy kick. And then he was born and my whole life changed. I used to roll my eyes when people said things like, "You'll understand when you're a parent," or "Just wait..." And I make a conscious effort not to say that to my childless friends. But OH MY GOD. It's really the most undeniably life changing thing. There's a whole part of your heart that you don't even know is there. It's unreal.
I'm have so much to be thankful for. I thank God every night, every morning, every sixth minute... My favorite moment of the day is when Jason, who has been up with Ezra for two hours, quietly tip toes into the bedroom and places a snuggly baby on my chest. What a way to wake up in the morning! A smiling, giggling, happy Ezra. And I thank God.
Now I promise--I'm going to stop gushing about how happy I am to have gotten pregnant and to have had a baby. Officially. This is it. But I'm not going to stop gushing about Ezra, though, because he's so damn cute.
Speaking of Ezra, he's kind of the best baby ever. He's officially 16 weeks on Friday. He smiles all the time, sleeps through the night, and amazes us every day with his new games, expressions, and abilities. He recently learned to grab onto things, specifically his Captain Calamari legs, and pull them into his mouth. He can entertain himself for longer periods--at least 15 minutes at a time, but on a good day 30-45 minutes! He likes to pull his feet up to his face and has definitely discovered his voice, and boy is it loud!
Well, Ezra and I will be counting down the last four days of my maternity leave before we head back to work. I'm so fortunate to work at a preschool and have the most amazing friend and employer, who has been so accommodating--with both a 20 week maternity leave and allowing Ezra to chill out in my office while I warm up to the idea of relinquishing any moment with him. I plan on bringing my Ergo and a bouncer and his play mat, and sweet Ezra will get to hang out with me all day. But he also has a very coveted spot in our Infant classroom--with teachers (and friends!) that I adore. All in all, it's a really great set up. I shouldn't be sad or sick at all about going back to work, but I can't help but feel a pang of both. I'm going to miss hate-watching The View, drinking a pot of coffee, and snuggling the best baby all day. I'm going to miss being a staircase away from my husband, who I can kiss and love-pinch whenever. I'm definitely going to miss sweat pants, slippers, and messy buns. So, there's a pang. But I know it's going to be okay.
On the home front, I'm really going to make an effort to beautify our little townhouse, Number 8. Our furniture is dated and too big for our space, never mind not very pretty or comfortable or functional. I've been pinning and pinning and have some great ideas. Jason and I plan to make a few small updates each month and I'll be sure to update our progress when I can.
The big projects I want to tackle first are our living room. I'd like to get rid of our sofa, and coffee table, and end tables--which are metal and glass, and huge and just not our style (and I can just see Ezra cracking his head on them when he becomes more mobile). I like a light blue, grey, silver color scheme and plan on bringing in lighter and brighter accents. In the spring, I'd like to beautify our front yard. It's small, but definitely needs some love. I picture flower pots and a new light fixture and a fun welcome mat. If I'm feeling frisky, maybe a wind chime!
Anyway, it's time for me to push the laundry through, fill up the sink to wash some bottles, get under my heating blanket. Happy New Year! I hope 2014 was amazing for you and your family, and that 2015 brings you health, wealth, and happiness.
