Thoughts on Thirty

Do you play the Sims?  If you don't, it's a computer game where you control a household of "sims".  Your sim won't do anything without you saying so. You make her go to the bathroom, go to bed, eat, pick a job, get to work on time.  The goal of the game is to fulfill your sim's wishes and aspirations.  In version three, Lifetime wishes are things like become a chess legend, or become a heart breaker, become president, or an epic gardener.  And you fulfill smaller goals to reach that particular wish for you sim, ideally before they die.  So if you're aiming to become president, you'll have to reach the highest level of the politics career path.  Or if you want to be fabulously wealthy, you need to have a net worth of $100,000.  My sim?  She always went with the life wish of being surrounded by family (have 5 kids and raise them from infants to teens).  Granted, she got there with some serious cheat codes (motherlode!).  Unfortunately, there are no life cheats.

I'm a big fan of five year plans.  I started making them when I was 10.  I imagined myself in high school, clutching my binder, wearing stylish clothes, and having a boyfriend and a locker (oou!).  When I was 15, I imagined myself in college.  I bought my own groceries and always remembered to bring my purse which had adult things like car keys and a cell phone (!!!).  I studied on a very green lawn and dated mature guys who bought me flowers and took me to nice restaurants.

As an adult, my five year plans matured a little more.  It was less about an image of myself in a "cool" situation, and more about concrete plans and goals.  Every birthday, I measured the success of the previous year by how near I was to meeting my image of my 5 year milestone. 

25 was a hard year and I didn't celebrate my birthday gracefully.  I was married, but Jason was no where near completing his Ph.D. and we were no where near ready to start a family.  We had no money, a too small apartment, and no end in sight.  I spent the week begging everyone to forget and spent that evening in the tub, sobbing and consoling myself with two bottles of wine.  It wasn't my finest moment.

But 30?  30 was good.  Understated in the celebration, but such a monumental year for meeting my 5 year goal.  In 5 years, so much had happened.  Jason and I weighed starting a family.  Then we spent two years unsuccessfully trying.  And then two pink lines.  Two beautifully, hard sought pink lines.  Then Ezra.  Beautiful, perfect, amazing Ezra--who has brought more love and more joy and more laughter into our lives.  And then... THEN!  Two more pink lines.  So I ushered 30 in with a pedicure, sesame chicken, and a 38 week pregnant belly.  And 30 felt good.