7 Months

I went back to work in January.  It's now mid-April and I've only written three blog posts since then.  I'm sure you can imagine that working five days a week and then catering to every need of a baby in my "off time" keeps me pretty busy.  In the moments between Ezra's bedtime and my bedtime, I find myself engrossed in Orange is the New Black (I'm only on episode 5, so don't ruin it for me!), washing bottles, and scrubbing mashed avocado off of the edge of the bath tub.

Motherhood can sometimes feel all consuming.  It can feel like you're holding your entire office's coffee order, while you desperately have to pee, in an elevator that won't ever come to the right floor, in broken heels--and then someone hands you a baby and his 80lb car seat and 20lb diaper bag.  Confession--I've peed my pants more times than I'd like to admit since having a baby.  But I don't love motherhood in spite of what it has done to me.  I love it because of what it has done to me.  I love Ezra and his cute little cheeks, and his smile when he sees me across the room.  I love it when Jason holds him and how he can so easily make Ezra laugh.  I love to hear him sing to Ezra in the morning, through the crackly baby monitor.  I love how motherhood has made me chronically on time and prepared for every emergency imaginable.  I love how motherhood has made me more compassionate and forgiving.  I love that I treat my time as sacred--because every day is the youngest he'll ever be again and I have to love it and notice how small his fingers and toes are, and even at the worst, most disorganized, most frazzled moments, I know I'm lucky to be here and I'm happy to have the worst moments.

So yeah, I'd say I'm pretty good.

And Ez is great!  He's 7 months (today!) and he's just a joy to be around.  He let's us know he's awake by shouting.  I imagine if he had words, he'd say, "Hey mom!  Hey dad!  I'm awake now!  Come get me!"  And when we turn on his bedroom lights, he's usually on his tummy, propped up on his arms, smiling at us.  This morning, I scooped him up and tickled his sides and shared a giggle.  Then I changed his diaper, propped him on my hip and headed downstairs.  He played with his rubber giraffe in his high chair while I let the dogs into the rainy backyard and made him a bottle.  Then we cuddled on the couch and watched the animated version of Robin Hood (dad's favorite!) while he had his breakfast.  Then Jason came downstairs and Ezra's smile stretched from ear to ear and he kicked and danced in celebration.  The three of us cuddled and watched until we decided that the adults needed some Waffle House.  Ezra is always the star of the show wherever he goes, but he's quite the ham at Waffle House.  He's sitting now, so he gets to clap and bang on the table from his high chair these days.  He loved watching all of the commotion in the kitchen while gnawing on a waffle and Jason and I took a moment to talk about his classes and remember when his parents joined us for breakfast at Waffle House, when Ez was just a month and a half old.  I sipped my coffee while the waitresses took turns coming over to coo at Ez and Jason picked some CCR to blast on the jukebox.  I'd call it a good morning.  A good, and typical morning.  Ezra fell asleep on the way to Starbucks (because Waffle House makes good eggs, but their coffee is like water and dirt) and I turned around frequently to stare at his chubby little cheeks in the mirror.


We were working on some small upgrades around the house, but put them on hold when Jason got an interview in Redding, California.  When the possibility of moving seemed heavy on us, a new coffee table didn't seem as important.  However, Jason didn't get the job.  I think we both feel a mixture of disappointment and relief.  Disappointment because we're both ready to move our lives forward, but relief because moving across the country this summer seems a little two forward.  And now that it's looking more like we'll be here for another year, we're back to work looking for coffee tables.

Anyway, the holidays are behind us and we hope that this summer will be cool and slow.  I hope yours is too!

 -xo-